This was it, the big one. The outcome of this meeting would determine the fate of the entire world as acomfortable place to live in. Politicians of all sorts, masterminds of our age from around the world are gathered aboard a luxurious yacht, The Communicator, in the middle of the Atlantic. They meet to collaborate in an effort to solve the greatest problem facing the world today. The six politicians took their seats. They can hear the footsteps of servants running across the hall on the main deck. It's a comfortable room, expensive furniture from only the best makers and a white board covering half of one wall that everyone secretly wants to doodle on. The meeting has yet to begin, but the Egyptian ambassador eyes the white board, probably wishing he had the same item in his office. There's an expensive lamp in one corner of the room on a small circular coffee table used specifically for the purpose of carrying that lamp. A bar is located in the opposite corner, a convenience the American diplomat had specifically asked for. Nevertheless, these men were not here to enjoy the ship’s fineries and amenities. They were here on a mission of solemnness for the sake of goodness and the hope of happiness, may it come someday. The topic was of great importance, such impor tance that these great men would be gathered together once again to work it out. They looked at each other, eager to start but none of them quite sure how to begin. In that case, the American thought it fit out of his chair to pour himself a drink. Heads follow him from around the room; at the moment he's the center of whatever conversation was to occur.
The German, a confined realist and believer in taking exact records, gets out her notepad. The French man taps his fingers rhythmically on the table, half waiting for the meeting to start, and half starring stupidly at The German who's at this time already jotting down the time and location of the meeting. When she was done, she looks anxiously at a clock on the wall, and slumps into her chair. Meanwhile, the Chinese president texts on his iPhone 4S, from time to time chuckling at something that's apparently quite amusing. In this room, aboard a luxurious yacht in the middle of the Atlantic were the master minds of our age, ready at any time to begin to save the world. The American finally finishes in pouring his drink, the Chinese man puts away his phone, the Egyptian sit back and...meditates. The American gets out a half-eaten hot dog from his coat pocket. He sits down. The Frenchman begins in a voice filled with the bubbles of champagne and many useless nights on the town saying, “We should get to WORK!”. Picking up, the German replies in a benevolently sterntone of voice, “Agreed! Meinen Herren of ze verld, ve have been gathezed from Germany, England, China, Egypt, France and the United States to discuss a matter of great importance, trash men around ze werld are going on strike due to ze fact zat zey complain zeir werk is too derty...”
None quite knows how the meeting went. But, from the notes, whether accurate or not, that the German took (in German), we can determine approximately how they saved the world...
Englishman: That’s right, bloody interesting topic I gather. The United Kingdom alone has never been so dirty. (He's a voluptuous educated man who always seems to think he’s on TV)
American: Wow. Tell me about it.
Englishman: And so I intend to my friend, as soon as I get my notes...
American: What’s the matter old timer, can't...
German: Gentleman! Ve are not on ze election floor.
Englishman: What on earth are you eating?
American: Hot dog. You want one?
Englishman: Incredible.
Frenchman: Gentlemen, and ze exceptionally pretty mademoiselle over zere, I believe I have ze answer!!!!
American: Hmm, shoot.
Frenchman: I beg your pardon?
American: (sighs) Start talkin’ man, do ya want ta miss da Lakers game at nine?
Frenchman: I despise ze game. As I was saying, the answer to life itself...love.
German: Love?
Frenchman: Ze guys picking le trash each have zeir special someone who lives at one of 'is stops whom 'e admires, but in turn will not look at him because he is trashman. See? Love.
German: And what do you suggest ze do about his or her personal problems?
Frenchman: Make posters of a bunch of sexy trashmen to catch ladies eye. So de next time she sees trashman,POOF!
American: That was deep.
German: Very interesting, but now ich vill share mit du was I zink.
American: Hey man, you see that Lakers game last night? So, like, good...OMG.
China: I did, but I’m for the Celtecs.
German: Meine Herren, Gentilmen! As you are aware ze more trash we use up, ze less places we have to put die garbage. Und so, vie must stop das global warming by going as some might say, green.
American: I’m with her!
Englishman: My dear! Let’s not talk about this ecofriendly rubbish, it’s simply a bunch of poppy-cock and will waste our time inevitably. Those men are simply lazy and want more money. I say we get new trashmen!
American: I know right? Fire those dudes!!! Isn't like they ever actually pick up my trash anyway. I say we have government filters in each and every home and they put their stuff in there, that way we won’t get any complaints from some union of trash people yadda, yadda, yadda, botherin’ folks because someone's puppy bit the trash dudes. Wow. Great way to get re-elected!
German: But where vill trash go?
Chinese: Instead, we could fire them off into space.
American: Is it time for the game yet?
Englishman: Idiot! you’ve missed the game!
American: Man that’s heavy! So anybody want a drink?
Englishman: No!
Frenchman: I vill have one! And leave out ze ice.
American: Right on Frenchy! Say what’s wrong with Egyptian dude over there
China: I think he’s meditating.
German: I think he’s sleeping.
American: I know how he feels. Sure you won’t have a drink?
And so comes to close, another exciting look on how the masterminds of our age make our world a safe, peaceful place to live in.
(first published in school newspaper, The Current. Copyright 2012 by Robert Steven Mack, all rights reserved.)
